What is the right test for choosing a long-term romantic partner?

Nick Huber · Aug 21, 2023

People today are far too picky about who they marry; physical attraction, mental and emotional stimulation, and trust are enough to make a marriage work

If you can trust someone, the odds are you can make a marriage work; many people should have married someone they rejected long ago for not being perfect

36:28 Trust attraction and stimulation suffice people are too picky choosing partners

Severin Hacker · May 19, 2025

The test for choosing a romantic partner is simply whether you enjoy talking to that person

87:09 Enjoyment of conversation is the test

Harry Stebbings · May 19, 2025

The right test for a long-term relationship is the 'Tuesday night test': whether in five years you'd still be excited to sit down alone with that person and just talk

Very few people pass that bar, so it filters for genuine enjoyment of the person rather than circumstance

87:16 Tuesday night test of future excitement

Severin Hacker · May 19, 2025

Mutual support is a necessary criterion in choosing long-term relationships, and competition should be absent from them entirely

Competition between the two people undermines the relationship

87:34 Mutual support without competition is required

Chris Sacca · Oct 11, 2021

Having a strong-willed partner who tests your assumptions and calls bullshit on you is one of the most valuable things in life

A dynamic, worthy debating partner with a strong moral compass stress-tests your thinking

64:56 A partner who challenges and stress tests your thinking is among lifes most valuable assets

Delian Asparouhov · Jul 29, 2024

The biggest mistake in searching for a life partner is entering with a pre-prescribed list of ideal attributes; you should instead find the person around whom you can be fully yourself and be loved for it

His own list included that his wife must be a good skier, and his wife turned out to be a terrible skier; what actually signaled she was the one was that he could be 100% himself, including the volatile 10% prior girlfriends wanted him to edit out, and she loved all of it

63:27 Being fully yourself and loved for it matters more than a checklist of attributes

Delian Asparouhov · Jul 29, 2024

In a relationship, honesty matters most, followed by sex, then laughter, with respect last

Nothing else matters without honesty; sex is the epitome of the fact that we are bodies and sensations, not just brains; laughter is needed to get through a hard and short life; and respect largely falls out of having the other three

65:14 Honesty then sex then laughter then respect is the right priority ordering